Across the spectrum of human interaction, workplace dynamics can take many forms. Having felt gaslighted by a coworker or supervisor is not something you are alone in experiencing.
As their name implies, gaslighters present themselves as an ally, but they actually manipulate or undermine others from the shadows, which adds to their potential power.
As defined by Merriam-Webster, gaslighting can be described as: “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”
There is much to be gained and lost in the workplace, if one isn’t careful, given what’s at stake: money, power, status, a promotion, rivalry, and the intrigue that often comes along with office politics.
How does one differentiate a gaslighter from, say, a demeaning boss who has a chip on their shoulder and has a tendency to shame others in public, and why is it important to distinguish one from the other?
Considering the clinical definition of gaslighting, we can conclude that gaslighters have two signature moves: they lie to create a false reality and they cut their victims off from social interactions with others.
In order to create a negative and fearful environment, they create a situation where they are both the savior and the underminer, spreading gossip and taking credit for other people’s work. In order to further their own position, they are often jealous and resentful, and seek to undermine other people in order to gain their own advantage.
There is also a possibility that you may also become the unwitting victim of another colleague’s gaslighting attempts.
It is said that slow and steady wins the race when it comes to gaslighting, and the best gaslighters make friends with their victims first. As a result, it could also be regarded as an act of workplace harassment.
It is common for them to flatter, to make them feel special or to create a fear of speaking up in their victims, by making them believe that their position at work is more precarious than it is by making it seem as though they are at risk. There are layers to the lies, and they come at you from different angles. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that takes a long time for one to realize they are being gaslighted, and social isolation is an important part of this process.
Strategic, intelligent action is better than direct confrontation. There’s a difference between a micromanaging boss or annoying coworker and a gaslighter. Gaslighters are out to sabotage your progress and success. The most common accusation is that you were confused, mistaken, or that you misunderstood what they said. In some cases, they may manipulate paper trails to appear right.
Gaslighters don’t put their strategy in the open.
It would be more helpful if we looked for indications of social isolation instead of aggressive or mean behavior. When a boss or coworker wants to cut you off from colleagues and other leaders, that is a red flag that needs to be taken seriously.
Second of all, it is vital that you recognize that detecting lies is a precarious situation. Instead of trying to become a lie detector, you should take notes in order to be able to passively convey that you are very aware of their tactics. If you want to raise the matter with others in the future, then you can use the notes as evidence.
So how can you rise above this situation? One great tip is to send an email with a summary of the meeting so you can document the origin of ideas and make sure they aren’t trying to steal your credit. Further, it would be a good idea to document what happened in person, and give it to your would-be gaslighter. Make sure you participate in meetings and speak up when necessary. Victimization becomes harder the more documentation you have. But be careful: Don’t confront them – instead, rely on your other friends and colleagues to restore your reality.
When possible, do what you can to avoid the gaslighter altogether. Ignore any comments that they may make and don’t engage when it is not necessary to interact with them.
Building a public presence around some of your work is another way to create a barrier.
People who gaslight are afraid to make public statements because they would be responsible. As a result, they rarely use social media and people who are very active tend to help them keep their distance.
Gaslighting is a real problem to look out for and something that you shouldn’t tolerate. It is a tricky situation because it often seems innocent at first but can quickly begin to grow into a larger problem.
A long-term experience of this can be torture and negatively impact your career.
This problem should not be tolerated at work. Co-workers and friends who are experiencing gaslighting should be educated, and solutions suggested. There is much more to this subject than this article covers. If this is a situation you or someone you care for is experiencing, we highly recommend seeking additional resources and information.
